Today, I was sitting aside alone. Updating the blog that I had abandon for quite a time.
I admit that recently my life is miserable, I really dont know how to face it or handle it anymore.
Heard some songs that make me feel emotional,
call back a lot of our memories and so on. I really can figure it out what's wrong with us?
Is it I am not good enough for you?
Is it I am not pretty like what yu wish I could be?
Is it I didn't do my part as a girlfriend should do?
There are many many question I wanted to ask you, but at the end I still cant do so.
I tried to give up, I tried to leave, but the results seems to be the same,
because of my weakness, I choosed to forgive again and again.
Ask myself the same question again.
Is he the one I really love? Is he the one I choose to give him the rest of my life.
I am a very naif girl, I hope to get married with the one I love the most and treat me as a princess, even though he is rich or poor, it doesn't mater to me. I just need a true heart.
Money is not that important to me, I have both hands and legs, I knew how to work for myself and earn money for my own spending. But sometimes things doesn't work out like what we wish to be. I get broken hearted over again and again. I really wish to ask you, TAN JUN KIT, when you flirt or chat with other girls, do you ever think of me before? Will you stop awhile and considered about what I will feel and think when you did that?
Sorry to say that, I seriously very very hurt deeply. Every midnight when I woke up, my cheeks will fill with tears, scars in my heart will never be healed. One day, I dreamt about my ex, the one that had been with me before for 2 years or more I guess, couldn't remember. The way he hurt me, the way he treat me, is what you are doing now. I can't resist my tears anymore.
I am the one that like to argue.. Yes, I admit my temper aren't that good, but I still know how to differentiate what is logic and what is not. Every argument we had surely have a reason behind. I trusted you, I really trusted you, but what I get in the end, you tell me? Broken heart, a broken heart that I never wanted in my lifetime. I knew you were trouble when you walk in my life, I lied down on the cold floor, thinking what's wrong with us. We used to be so sweet, we used to scare to lose each other, we used to be very loveable couple, we used to do many things together, but all these had gone. If you realise, we didn't take picture together for quite a long time. You know why? because I realise you never tried to ask me to take picture with you before, that's why I choose to stop and WAIT, see how long only you willing to take picture with me. I am not selfish, because all these tiny things is what you should basically do in our relationship. I don't want to marry you in a sense of regretfulness.
Remember one time, I was crazy with you, and I was like telling the whole world I will marry you no mater what happens, even my family knew it too. But recently when you ask me one question : "Baby, if i propose to you, will you marry me." My answer was different, I said "I not sure I can still stick with that answer or not." I knew this will make you disappointed, I also didn't realise since when I stop telling people that I am waiting to be proposed. My heart was bleeding when everyone talk bout marriage. It's not easy, you changed, I changed, the society change. The love is still there, things that seems to be missing is our bonding, our moments, our bonding, our trustiness, our faithfulness. Everything had gone since you had chooses to find her.
Oh yeah, maybe for you, it's not a big problem or not serious at all. But for me, it is everything, this had crush my hearts to bits, it's bleeding now and no one can stop it. When it stop bleeding, I will be as cold as those vampire that doesn't consist any feelings. I am not here to make you embarass. I just need a SORRY from you, and get outta my life if you still can't keep your loyalty for me. I have enough already, doesn't want to talk too much. I am tired with anything. Hope if one day you see this, see through my heart, let me know what you want.
You cannot heal my heart anymore. No one can. Sorry.
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